grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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