I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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