After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
