Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
