Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just found puke in my bra..
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
