this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
