Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
