so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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