True but thats because hes a fetus.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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