I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Randomize
