he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
