I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
