So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
