I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
