Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
