You just made me feel so damn special
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
