Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
