How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
