I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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