Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
