I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
