I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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