just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
