with your own penis?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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