1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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