I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
