Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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