i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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