I'm really into asian looking animals
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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