something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
