i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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