I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
