took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
