yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The air was thick with penises
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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