i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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