she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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