My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
