we have pet lesbian snakes
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
