so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
