chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize