there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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