Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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