Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
