The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
