JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
do herpes really smell.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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