i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
