There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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