Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
