I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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