he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
