Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
