my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
