Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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