Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
