we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
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