Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Randomize
