So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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