Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
