Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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