his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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