ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
