I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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