i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
