and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
