Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
