I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Life is so much better after having sex.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My vagina is officially offended.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
