i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
