oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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