so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
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I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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