Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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