Buhtt sex?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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