Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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